they have my heart | Vancouver Children’s Photographer
This is why I live. Why I do what I do, why I work so hard to give them a better life than I had, why I would throw myself in front of a train to save them.
They hold my heart in their hands. Those grubby, little boy fingers have my heart firmly gripped, and to remove their hands, would be to stop me from breathing. Sappy maybe. I’ve been in a rough place in the last little while, I miss them so deeply when they are at their dad’s, I worry about them, and there are some pretty big uncertainties right now. So I was in a low place yesterday and today, but while getting ready for a shoot tomorrow, I came across a memory card from Benjamin’s birthday that I hadn’t unloaded yet. I found a few favourites, images that speak so clearly of their personalities, children growing to become teens, to become men. I get glimpses of their future selves and I try to capture it in pictures, but sometimes I simply capture their silly faces. They aren’t the best photos technically, but they show them their true selves. And isn’t that the goal of being a portrait photographer? Capturing that essence, of who they are? Snapshots that these may be, they are some of my faves for that reason.
You don’t realize until you have children just how much power the desire for protecting them and ensuring their well being has over you. I was speaking with Nick, of The Other Angle Photography, who I had the privilege of lunching with today, about wanting to give them the things I had growing up; space to roam, pets, tree forts, quiet streets to ride their bikes, and how hard it is to not be able to do that right now. When you are a parent, if you are doing your job, you would move heaven and earth to make sure their happiness is your priority, happiness that is a direct result of them having security, safety, and their needs met. You listen to them, and you do your very best to make sure your selfish wants for the easy path and convenience don’t come at the price of your children’s happiness.
So to end on a positive note, these are my reason’s for being. God has blessed me so deeply by giving them to me, and all I can do is trust that he has his hand over them, that He hears the desires of our hearts (desires He himself gives us), and that it will all work out. These pictures are from Mother’s day, when we went to Moodyvilles for breakfast then to Lonsdale Quay for a wander. Thankfully we’ve had some great weather in North Vancouver, and the lower mainland, perfect weather for pictures and being outside.
I’m incredibly blessed that my boys are so close. They are best friends, and love each other, and aren’t afraid to show it. They have their moments, and they fight, and argue and tease, but just as quickly they are back to this:
He is 10! I can’t believe it. I can’t. He is so big and I see him growing and getting smarter and forming his own opinions about things, and it is amazing to witness. Guys I have the best, kindest, truest to his name Benjamin ever. Just saying….Oh and his hair is green because they got it coloured at their school’s spring fair the day before. 
And sort of related, this song always makes me tear up when I hear it. It is so exactly how I feel as a parent.
3:11 am on May 16th, 2010
Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!
Thumbs up, and keep it going!
Cheers
Christian, iwspo.net